friday afternoon monologue

Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun was suspended for the remainder of the season for violating Major League Baseball’s drug policy. After being handed a 150-game ban, Braun grabbed it, flexed his inhumanly powerful arms and compressed the suspension down to 65 games.

Full disclosure: every time I hear the name Bradley Manning, I think he’s a mashup of Bradley Cooper and Peyton Manning.

Royal Baby Fever has crested in England, with the birth of Will and Kate’s first child, Prince George Alexander Louis. The Queen is said to be delighted to have a great grandson, as well as One More Heir To The Throne Who Isn’t Prince Charles.

Prince Harry has said he wants to make life “as fun as possible” for his new nephew (and possible future king) Prince George. He’s taking the role of Funcle quite seriously, and has installed baby seats on both his helicopter and his motorcycle. Harry’s wing in Kensington palace is said be perfect for a moody, pampered child; so it should be fine for baby George as well.

Scientists at MIT successfully implanted false memories in the brains of laboratory mice. OR DID THEY??!??!??!??!?!!?!???

The Harvard School of Public Health has found that drinking coffee may help lower the risk of suicide by up to 50%. Harvard president Drew Faust hailed it as, “great news for Yale grads everywhere.”

Vandals splashed green paint on Washington DC’s Lincoln Memorial sometime early Friday morning. Police are carefully reviewing the surveillance footage and are confident in their ability to find and apprehend the guy who invented this.

Google announced its newest version of the Nexus 7 tablet is available for preorder at Best Buy. You remember Best Buy – they sponsor that date of the side of perishable food packaging.

This week Google also introduced Chromecast, a USB dongle that streams content directly to your TV. It included a promo of 3 free months of Netflix that was so popular, it was cut short. A dongle promotion that has proved to be far less popular: Carlos Danger. Although, many seem to think cutting that short could be a good idea, too.

 

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