friday afternoon monologue

The Sweet Tea has been up in the middle of the night each of the last 3 nights. People talk about the terrible 2’s, but really it’s more about the terrible 3’s, 3:30’s and 4:15’s. It’s a total energy drain. It’s getting to the point that I’m ready to believe an online ad that says PROFESSORS HATE THIS ONE WEIRD TRICK TO HELP YOUR BABY SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT!

There are only 2 kinds of video screens in a baby’s world. 1 – the touchscreen. 2 – the tv screen doesn’t do anything when I touch it dad what did you do did you break it why isn’t it working?

Don’t judge a book by its cover. Always judge a band by its covers.

The Curiosity Rover found liquid water on Mars this week, analyzing a soil sample to discover it contains 2% water, as well as carbon dioxide, oxygen, and sulfur compounds. The mineralogical data was exciting to scientists who have long predicted that Mars may one day be suitable for a Coca Cola bottling plant.

Vikings quarterback Christian Ponder is out with a fractured rib. The fracture is close to his heart and team doctors are concerned that if he sustains a big hit, it could mean serious damage. Doctors confirm that if backup quarterback Matt Cassel plays a great game, a broken heart is still a possibility for Ponder.

A dangerous Russian street drug called Krokodil has made its way to the United States. Made of chemicals easily found at home improvement stores, this cheap heroin substitute causes rough, scaly patching on the skin of its users. Medical experts call it a deadly substance that can lead to death in under 2 years of use, but admit it’s also a pretty amazing reminder that the last episode of Breaking Bad airs this Sunday at 9/8c on AMC.

Kayne West is mad at Jimmy Kimmel. That’s not really newsworthy, that’s just a Mad Libs that you can’t lose. Here, try it yourself and feel like a psychic. “Kanye West is [synonym for ‘very’] angry at [anyone on earth] for [professional or everyday behavior]. West took [double-digit number] minutes to [verb] about it last night during the [European city] [fashion show] he was attending. West was dressed in a [pattern] kilt, [garish color] Nikes and a [precious metal] tank top from Brooklyn designer [Old Testament Name] [comic book noise].”


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