Tag Archives: NSA

friday afternoon monologue

This week, Prince joined Twitter using the handle @3rdEyeGirl. Which means that next time, he’ll be sending himself that cease-and-desist order.

The time is now to set up your one-joke Twitter account – @PrincesLawyer.

In a nativity mash-up, the three wise men should bring gold, frankincense and mermaids.

“Are you her daddy? How come you look cool?” – Ego-fueling playground banter.

At Seattle’s Hempfest, police will be distributing information about the state’s new legalization laws attached to bags of Doritos. If successful, the program will expand to include a new product line, Totally Baked Lays.

Senator Patrick Leahy pledged increased oversight on the NSA, in response to an internal audit revealing that the agency broke 1000s of privacy rules over the past 5 years. NSA leaders acknowledged the breach, agreeing with the senator’s remarks, and simply asking him to direct his comments to the vase of flowers in the center of the table.

Heismann trophy winner Johnny Manziel is accused of breaking NCAA football rules by accepting money in exchange for autographs. “Silly Johnny,” said the NCAA. “Money is for football programs, not football players!” The NCAA promised to forgive any alleged infraction if Manziel agreed to register next semester for their Advanced Concussions seminar.

I’m having trouble getting this Backstreet Boys cover out of my head. No shame; just the power of pop. It did make me wonder whether A) if there’s an all-girl Backstreet cover band called Uptown Girls or B) If, with his newfound Almost Tonight Show powers, Jimmy Fallon can have Billy Joel and Backstreet on the show covering one another’s songs for a week.

Gene Simmons and KISS have bought an Arena League Football team. In preparation for the 2014 season, they’ve partnered with Under Armour to develop a line of fire-breathing helmets, spike-and-chain shoulder pads and knee-high, platform cleats.

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