Tag Archives: rummage sale

sunday night monologue

My latest social media trend? Avoiding social media for the 48 hours surrounding each new episode of Breaking Bad, desperately trying to avoid spoilers until the episodes arrive on Netflix.

Heat 2: It’s The Humidity starring Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy

Favorite thing I got to say last week: “I don’t see what’s so outrageous about a giant claymation head of Neil Degrasse Tyson.”

Oh. OH! Neil Degrasse Jr High! Has anyone ever thought of… Oh, they have. Nevermind.

Judging from the most recent estimates, by 2015, our house will be 70% filled with Things Our Daughter Wouldn’t Put Down At The Rummage Sale.

Our local dump is actually pretty nice. Are they going to have to call it something else?

I thought that spider hanging out by the front door was going to be a problem. Then I saw the wasps’ nest. Very quickly, I reevaluated my spider stance.

Spider stance, spider stance, does whatever in spider pants.
Does he walk? Does he jump? Does he stand by a bicycle pump?
Spins a web, on our stoop, where he’ll sleep and probably poop.
Lookout! Here got a spider stance, oh he’s got a spider stance!

Saturday night, I read a tweet from Steve Martin to Alec Baldwin. Then suddenly, they were in a movie together on TV. It was like Netflix time machine. Which, hopefully will be a sweet social media trend in 100 years. But if it is, I should know in just a minute, shouldn’t I?

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friday afternoon monologue

Miller Lite’s shotgunning-ready “Punch Top” can: Proof that the vortex bottle just isn’t getting it done? Maybe it’s just time for a bucket-top can. The Miller Lite Cup Can – just peel and you’re beer-pong-ready.

Parenting blog idea: Just Look At The Size Of This Booger Dot Com

A sudden change of plans – we’ve decided to take more than just 48 hours to prep our impromptu rummage sale (perhaps removing the impromptu-osity altogether). Pushing it to next weekend instead of this weekend allows us to enjoy some of life’s luxuries like eating, sleeping, breathing and blinking.

Impossible advice from this week: Think of the questions you would never think to ask.

Is the broadleaf-killing herbicide working on our lawn? Tough to say. Right now, it would have been just as effective to mince two $20 bills and sprinkle them out there, but who knows…

It’s time to admit that I’m not as fit as I used to be. It might be time to move from the Extra Small t-shirts to the Small t-shirts.

A joke that would work here every single week: <insert that joke I thought of last night before falling asleep that I was sure I’d remember without writing anything down>

Went to the tailor this week (and not to let out my XS t-shirts to S). I took in the suit I’ll be wearing for my brother’s wedding in a few weeks. I had the jacket taken in and the sleeves taken up and it never ceases to amaze me how difficult it is to convince a tailor to go beyond their comfort zone.  “Why, yes, I WOULD like to see my hands at the end of these sleeves. No, I’m NOT interested in your personal opinions about how the suit should look on me, which is different than the sweet-fitting jacket that I wore in to your store.”

I asked her to take up the sleeves as high as she felt they should go, and then go one step higher. If nothing else, it was a refreshing chance for me to ask someone else to give 110%. Take that, coach!

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