Message on a huge poster at the Government Center downtown:
“ask for your Walleye stamp validation”
So I went to the government center to get a copy of The Sweet Tea’s birth certificate. And by “a copy” I mean “the copy.” See, with the excitement and frenzy of actually having a baby last summer, we got back from the hospital, put a bunch of official-looking pieces of paper into the appropriate storage box and figured everything was in there. Her Social Security card arrived by mail, so we figured that the hospital took care of that whole birth certificate thing and it was somewhere around here already. Turns out that’s not true.
In addition to making me feel like a forgetful dope, this did give me a chance to walk to the Government Center downtown. I needed to go to room A025, and when I walked in the main lobby (and past the lunchtime tango dancing demonstration), there were 3 huge letters on separate walls – A, B and S. I walked into section A, started to look for room A025 and discovered that it was the criminal court section. I turned around, saw a sign that said “Licenses” and pointed down the stairs. “Hmmm, perhaps it’s in section B for Basement?” wrong again. Section S. Down 2 flights of stairs, past the cafeteria and around the corner past the enclosed waterfall (not a joke – there’s a waterfall room complete with observation/meditation bench) is room A025.
The waiting experience was actually pretty pleasant. For me. For the guy in front of me who discovered that the downtown office administers the written driver’s test, but not the road test, it wasn’t so fun. But I got my number, sat down and watched The World’s Easiest Trivia Questions on the TV in the middle of the room. Sample Question: Who played Ray Charles in the 2004 biopic Ray? The screen shows a shot of Jamie Foxx from the movie, then the heads of Will Smith, Jamie Foxx and LL Cool J right next to it. I think they do this so you feel good about yourself and when your number is called, your subconscious mind is like, “Aw, do I have to get up already?”
I got up to the counter and found out that, unlike the claim on their website, they no longer accept Visa as a form of payment. Sadly, I left my Discover Card in an alternate reality, but good news everyone, I brought the checkbook just in case. The check was written, the documents were being processed and then the woman behind the counter walked away without saying anything. Don’t worry, though – she only left me standing there for 5 minutes having no idea what was going on. While I was doing my best to obey their No Cellphones At The Counter policy, I counted the number of times Bad Posture Guy walked by (4) and listened as the guy at the next counter over was pleading his case about a speeding ticket. Not sure if he was practicing or he thought the judge was behind the counter…
Why did I wake up with this song in my head?
Went to the Twins game yesterday. I had a great time, but not as great as a coworker who went to grab a beer and came back to inform us that he just met Garrison Keillor. The combination of Keillor and Twins baseball was so overwhelmingly Minnesotan that we all had to put on flannel shirts, say “oh, yaaaaah” and eat some hotdish.
Guy in front of us: 2 Michelobs.
Beer Vendor: I only have 1 left. How about a Bud Light?
(Correct answer: I’d rather get punched in the face.)
Later in the game, I experienced that universal high – the feeling of “the beer vendor who just walked down our aisle is selling something other than Bud Light or Miller Lite!” It always feels like I just won the ballpark lottery. And, of course, it takes away the shock of paying 50¢ per ounce of beer, so that’s nice.
Beer vendors proved to be an ongoing source of entertainment throughout the game. The best moment came when the beer vendor coming down the stairs yelled “beer” in such an odd way that it sounded like a cat meowing. The crowd got quiet and you could tell that we all heard the same thing at the same time. “What was that? Is someone from Zoobilee Zoo selling beers?”
Coworker: “So you carry that notebook to write down good ideas?”
Me: Yep. (writes down one thing, puts notebook away and forgets to right down about 4 funny things that happened after that)
Pop quiz hotshots! Place these T-shirt launchers in chronological order:
1) T-shirt Slingshot
2) T-shirt Boomerang
3) T-shirt Trebuchet
4) T-shirt Cannon
5) T-shirt Musket
6) T-shirt Catapult
The ballpark has a myriad of delicious food, including a taco wrapped into a cone shape for easy table-free eating. They called it the Walk-A-Taco, but we all agreed it was a perfectly squandered opportunity to name it the logical choice: The Tacone.